A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked in her ears, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?"
The little girl stayed silent.
Next, the doctor looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?"
Again, the little girl was silent.
Then the doctor listened her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?"
"Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my under pants."

Two toddlers were standing over a new infant. One was gently patting the infants head and said to the other toddler, "You can pet him too."
The other toddler asked, "Does he bite?"

Mom: Would you like to have some fried potatoes, eggs and ham for dinner?
Child: No, I don't eat burnt food!

Just as an earthquake (7.0) finally came to a stop a 4 year old looked up at his mother and asked,
"Is the house through sneezing yet?"
The same 4 year old wanted to go outside to play a while after the earthquake and the mother said, "Well okay, but if we have another earthquake you come in."
The 4 year old replied, "If I fall down let me know".

Another 4 year old during an earthquake, was watching her teenage sister try to catch something falling off the wall and said, "Mom's washer is going wild".

"Daddy...... I want to be a Cow Girl when I grow up." Daddy asked, "A Cow Girl huh? How come?" To which she replied, "Cause I wanna catch cows!" (4 year old).

A five year old (the youngest of a family of three children) eating a hotdog decided she didn't want anymore so she told her mother she was a vegetarian,
the mother informed the daughter that this wasn't possible because she'd been eating hotdogs all her life.
The five year old responded: "That wasn't me it was my step twin".

A mom took her two children to lunch, her 5 year old ordered a diet pepsi, and the mom thinking well thats better than regular pepsi said that would be fine. After the waitress walked away the 5 year old, who had been very quiet, suddenly asked his mom in a very serious tone of voice, "Does this mean I'm going to die?"

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."
His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out, and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wakeup they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision.
The second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born and I Couldn't walk for a year!"

My best lesson in child psychology came when I saw our five-year-old, Steven, roughly jerking our poodle's leash.
Suddenly his fuming father appeared and asked, "Do you want to tell me how sorry you are?"
"I don't know how much you saw!" Steven stammered.

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said,"Well, I'll just run in and out, and in and out, and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'"

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?"
"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
"This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

A kindergarten teacher was walking around and observing her classroom of children while they drew. She asked one little girl what her drawing was?
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
The girl replied, "They will in a minute."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy Father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
One little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?," gasped her mother.
"It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."

A little girl suddenly noticed for the first time that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.
"How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

At a restaurant I told my 5 year old he could choose a soda for his drink. Any kind he wanted. He pointed out (Unknowingly) Diet Pepsi. After taking a few drinks of it he asked me what it's name was, I told him Diet Pepsi. After thinking this over for a second, he asked very concerned, "Does that mean I'm going to die?"

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face. Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause yer feet ain't empty."

For weeks, a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but he made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed,"I think Mommy ate it!"

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later.... "Da-ad...." "What? "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later...... "Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

If you would like to contribute something cute your children have said please send the story to me in email and whether or not you want it signed.

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